Laser Boobies

Apparently, I have a techologically advanced chest.

I will explain.

Lola IM'd me Friday, wanted to know what I was up to this weekend, said she had plans but was looking for something different to do.  I told her I'd scope out the local bars, see if there were any good bands playing and get back to her.

Well.  Went to Looney's first, pulled up their calendar.....and almost wet my pants when I saw The Amish Outlaws were playing Saturday night.  Um?  SQUEE!! 

I'd been wanting to check them out for YEARS but the timing had never been right.  So I IM'd her back, emailed Krumpet, put it on my Facebook...."OOH OOH OOH AMISH OUTLAWS PLAYING!!!!"

(I talk in caps a lot.  Get used to it)

So plans were made.  Krumpet, her boyfriend Jesus and her daughter Kat would go to Looney's for dinner.  Since Kat is a minor, they'd only be able to stay until 11pm but that was okay with them so okay with me.  (I'm very easy to get along with dont'cha know?).  I picked up Lola when I got off work and we met up with the Krumpet Klan around 9:30.

They're finishing up dinner so Lola and I stand there for a few moments talking to them.  And I steal some of Kat's quesadilla. 

I'm feeling kinda awkward just standing there so I look around - WITH COMPLETELY INNOCENT INTENT, I swear - and there is a table for four right next to us with only TWO people sitting there.  Four minus two equals two and I needed two chairs so this seemed like a no brainer. 

It was not my fault that the two occupants of said table just happened to be Bendy Boys.

Nor is it my fault that I happen to maintain very good posture and keep my abs tucked and my chest out.

And OF COURSE I was wearing lippy lipstick and had all sexy lips and stuff. 

So I walk over to the table and I ask, in the most neutral NON FLIRTATIOUS tone possible, "Excuse me, are y'all using these chairs?"

Despite what Krumpet might say, I did NOT toss my hair.  Or bat my eyelashes.

My boobies might have swiveled a little though.

So I get the chairs and I slide one up to the table between Jesus and Kat and I sit there and it is through SHEER COINCIDENCE that I am shoulder to shoulder with Bendy Boy #1.  I am not the one who put the tables so darned close together. 

And YES my upper body (and boobies) were angled towards the Boys o' Bendyness because AGAIN, tight space and I didn't want to be all pressed up on Jesus because then Krumpet would be all "Oh HO!  First you steal my child's food, then you steal those poor innocent boys' chairs and NOW you're stealing my boyfriend!"

Oh wait.  She did say that.

So yes.  Commence mocking.  Apparently, my innate flirtatiousness can not be contained and my boobies have a built in tracking device in order to hone in on the most attractive man (or Bendy Boy) in any given room at any given time and it is COMPLETELY INVOLUNTARY, someone has taken over my boobs, they operate completely independently of their owner.

The eyelash batting is all me though.


Nilliem said...
October 24, 2010 at 7:00 PM

I'm so happy you are writing again! I've missed you!

FallDown Girl said...
October 24, 2010 at 7:49 PM

Thanks sweets! It's good to be back!

Anonymous said...
October 25, 2010 at 10:18 AM

At 51, I'm afraid I have a laser belly button which hones in very well on lint and lint collectors.

KLZ said...
October 25, 2010 at 11:25 AM

My boobs control the weather, so I totally feel you on this.

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