Chilly Willy

Okay, so I shared yesterday's post with Coworker Number One and Coworker Number Two, who, if you may recall, I dubbed Dot and Minnie.

WELL!  Dot pretty much threw a hissy fit about her name.  "DOT??!??!  Who the hell is called Dot?  What's Dot?  Are you making fun of me for being Polish?"

Me:  "Huh?  Wha???  Polish? I didn't even know you were Polish.  You're not Polish"  (As aside......Dot's name is not even REMOTELY Polish sounding.....nor does she look that I know what Polish looks like exactly.....when I picture Polish, I picture a little old lady in a babushka which is probably more Russian than Polish I guess, but who knows because I am Russian (well, half Russian) and I am certainly not a little old lady in a babushka.  So I have no idea what Polish even looks like but damnit, it's NOT Dot)

So Dot's all, "I am TOO Polish and you're making fun of me by calling me Dot which we all know is short for POLKA Dot."

At this point, I am too flabbergasted to speak but Coworker Number Three, who shall be known as Cruella (her suggestion!  I'm not making fun of her for having weird hair, I SWEAR!) chimed in with "You're not polished!" which, because of her very strong accent (Spanish! From Spain!) sounded like "Polish" but we all knew what she meant which is that Dot is refined, uncultured, A HEATHEN!

So Dot is going on about how she doesn't want to be called Dot and Cruella is going on about what she wants HER name to be and everyone is all aflutter over NAMING and I'm trying to be strong and say "NO!  No one gets to pick their own names!  It's my blog damnit" and I'm getting ready to bap Dot in the nose with a newspaper and Cruella says, "If she gets to be Dot I want to be Com" so we all turn and look at HER because with her accent, "com" did not SOUND like "com" it sounded like something completely different and "NO!  I'm not calling you that, this is a FAMILY blog" but then she clears it all up and everyone goes back to yelling at ME!

Finally I throw my hands in the air and say, "FINE!  If you don't like Dot, I'm going to call you Chilly Willy, is that better?"

And she stops and thinks for a minute and says, "That's the penguin right?"  (YES)  "Okay, that's cool"

So Chilly Willy it is!

Then she says, "No wait, I want to be Babette"

Well damnit, this isn't a porn blog!

So I turn to Minnie and say, "What about you?  Do you want to change your name too?"

But no, Minnie is NICE.  Minnie doesn't give Marie a hard time.  Minnie shall be my new workplace bff because she is just FINE with being Minnie. 

So.....Dot is now Chilly Willy and I shall take vengenance on her and her troublemaking ways by telling a "Chilly Willy is a Dork" story.....becuase although there are plenty of "Marie is a Dork" stories, Marie is not the only dork in this blog. 

It happened last year around this time.  It was the day of our annual Health Fair.  We were all fasting in preparation for our Biometric Testing.  Chilly Willy does not do well with fasting.  Chilly Willy likes her candy.  A lot.  Chilly Willy was cursing her water.  "Stoopid water!"  Chilly Willy was fading quickly.  Getting dizzy.  Losing consciousness.  Chilly Willy was starving, yo!

I say this to give her some excuse for what happened next.  Because somehow, she got sap.  On her wrist.  Do not ask me how.  She must have found a tree in a conference room or something.  All I know is she came to me and asked how to get sap OFF of her wrist.  Because apparently, it wouldn't wash off.

She asked whether I had any White Out (which I think is actually spelled Wite Out but I'm too lazy to check) and sure enough I did.  Her plan was to paint the White (Wite?) Out onto her wrist and then the sap would stick to it and then...?  Um?  I'm not sure exactly what her plan was.

Next thing I know, she's coming back from the bathroom.  "White (Wite?) Out doesn't wash off!"

So now she's got a big white splotch on her wrist.  Which isn't noticable AT ALL.  ::snicker::

I pull out a stamp from my desk drawer and stamp the word "VOID" on her wrist.  "There, now no one will notice the White (Wite?) Out!"

"Well, YEAH but now I have this big blue spludge on my wrist!"

"So why don't you take a knife and try to scrape it off?"

So yeah, I've got Chilly Willy scraping a knife against her wrist, trying to remove the White (Wite?) Out/Void stamp/sap from her wrist and all the Health Fair people are milling about and here's this skinny chick scraping a knife against her wrist and WHAT COULD POSSIBLY BE WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE???

And this was the day that I realized that I absolutely adore Chilly Willy and she's been one of my bffs ever since.  Even if she is a total pain in my blogging ass.


Krumpet said...
October 7, 2010 at 4:15 PM

Personally, I am disappointed that this is NOT a porn blog.

FallDown Girl said...
October 7, 2010 at 8:25 PM

Eh, been there, done that. Decided to keep this one clean....for Bambi's sake.

Jessica said...
October 14, 2010 at 1:40 AM

Each entry enjoyable than the last! (lol... that could be a comment for a porn blog too) :)

Back to Home Back to Top Fall Down.....BOOM!. Theme ligneous by Bloggerized by Chica Blogger.