...And the angels sing

So, hey, lookee here, I'm writing again!  ::trumpets::

Back in the heady days of Blue and Pink I was posting every day, sometimes twice a day.  I wish I could pinpoint what changed.  I have theories.  I could blame MySpace.  I could blame the mass exodus from Diaryland of many of my favorites.  I could blame my job and the requirement of my employers that I actually WORK while at work (The horror!)

Fact is, I don't know.  I've tried repeatedly to regain the writing mojo I had.  How many of y'all remember the food blog I tried to keep?  I actually enjoyed that but again, couldn't seem to keep up with it.

I think part of the problem is that as my audience has grown (well, it HAD....obvs it's shrunk a lot now), I've found myself having to censor myself.  Except.....I'm a personal blogger.  I write about ME.  (because you know, it is all about me!).  When I find myself becoming super conscious of how the me I am putting on the page (screen) might reflect upon the me that I want others to see, I shut down. 

I think we all present different views of ourselves to different audiences.  I am one person to my parents, another to my children, my friends, my employers, and of course, let's not forget, my crush(es).  In one on one or small group interactions, it's easy to control those different images.  But when I put myself on the page for anyone to read, I have two choices.  Just put it all out there and let the chips fall where they may.  Or censor myself to the point of complete depersonalization.

I don't like either option.  So I end up clamming up and not writing at all, not in this forum at least.  I have Facebook of course, and I do make full use of their privacy controls so that if I choose to post something that I don't want everyone to see, I can make that happen. 

But it's not the same.

A third option is to go incognito.  A lot of bloggers do that.  I've tried to as well.  But it never felt comfortable to me.  I LIKE writing for the people I know. 

I could compromise.  Start a blog for the friends and the menz to read (like the rhyming?  Hee!) but not my family or employers.  Hmmm......actually.....now that I think about that....it might actually work.  The folks I am most worried about reading the uncensored me are my mother, my children, and my manager at my day job.  None of whom are regular blog readers.  Which means I am almost certain that if I start writing here again, they will not know about it....

Heh.  Now I'm feeling all sneaky and stuff!

Okay!  I'm going to give this a shot.  Keep yer fingers crossed that maybe this time, I can actually keep it up.

(PS  - All y'all other regular bloggers....I'd love you input on how you've dealt with this issue as well)

Don't Kick the Baby!

Before I commence bitching, I have a brief PSA:  Folks!  Next time you're hankering for shrimp, serve 'em with a mustard-caper mayo instead of cocktail sauce.  Trust me on this.

Moving on.

As I believe I've mentioned, I work two jobs.  By day, I try to keep the commas and decimal points straight.  At night.....I'm a Pizza Bitch.

I work for a national chain but since I actually LIKE working for them and don't want to get Dooce'd, I'll keep the deets to myself, okay?  Great.

I know, it's not the most glamourous job but it's (mostly) low stress, I get to drive around and listen to music all night, yay!  I like most of my coworkers and most of my customers are pretty cool as well.  Occasionally I even get to smile at Bendy Boys!  And , bonus!  Having a steady stream of cash every night, primarily in singles, allows me to masquerade as a stripper for comedic effect.  I'm pretty sure I have the cashier at our office cafeteria at least 75 percent convinced I spend my nights on the pole.  Heh.

(Side note?  Thanksgiving night, I stopped at a gas station.  I paid in singles and as I was doling them out, I made my usual joking comment about this being my "stripper money".  I then gave each of my kids a dollar for reasons I can not remember.  My eldest took the dollar, sniffed it and said, "Yeah, this must be stripper money, it smells like butt".  Oh dear)

So yeah.  Generally, I like being the Pizza Bitch.

But I was so far off my game tonight.  I got all topsy turvy turned around three times tonight, all three times in neighborhoods I was totally familiar with.  I gave one guy the wrong order and forgot someone else's soda.  But the worst moment of the night?  So totally wasn't my fault.

(A slight bit of backstory:  I am 42 years old, born in 1968.  A few weeks ago, my manager was looking at a 20 dollar bill and thinking it might be a fake.  The print date on the bill was 1960-something but it was still quite crisp and clean.  He said, "Nothing that came from the 60's can possibly be in good shape still".  So I kicked him)


So I had a delivery tonight, I got to the house, there was a collection of random small children, probably between the ages of 5 and 13.  The eldest asked how much the total was and I told her $19.69.  One of the younger children said, "1969?  That's the year the dinosaurs were born".

Thankfully for all involved, I did NOT kick the child.  I was tempted though.

Well, well, well.....

Here I am, slacking off again.  It's been, what?  Two weeks this time?    And to make it worse, I haven't even been READING.  Let alone writing.

But!  I has excuses!

Like, bad laptop!  Went kaplooey a few weeks ago.  I was offline for a week while my amazing and wonderful brother worked his magic.

But also, and more significantly?  Turmoil, of the personal sort.  Of the sort that I choose not to write about here because heaven forbid I should make even the most veiled, cloaked in anonymity comment about anyone ever and they get all miffed about it.

(Except Krumpet.  I will talk smack about her until the cows come home cus I love me some Krumpet and I don't care who knows)

So, yeah.  I had a few issues that I needed to wrap up in a tidy little bow and stick under someone ELSE'S Christmas tree.  I still have one teeny tiny unresolved strand and I'm still kinda curious to see how that all turns out, but all the drama-full, emotionally laden stuff?  All done.  Yay.

As promised, I've started poking around Pudd.....jeez, I mean PLENTY of Fish.  Yeah.  I don't know why I keep wanting to call it Puddle of Fish.  ANYWAY.  I've been poking around there, started talking to a couple of guys.  One seems kinda decent and we're supposed to get together the 10th.  (Hey!  I have a crazy ass busy schedule, that's the soonest I can have free, I swear)

But the other?  Oh my.  We've only exhanged a couple of messages so far but this guy?  Is like the male me.  Which might be irritatinng in the long run but since I'm not looking for long-term?  Bring it on, baby.  If I think I am the coolest person on the planet (and I DO!) then to meet someone just like me?  AWESOME.

Plus?  HOT!  Not quiiiiiite tall enough for me (5'11") but I can make a few concessions.


Right about now I feel like I could write at length about my cynisism about the whole dating/relationship thing but I'm halfway through a high octane bomber (Hoppin' Frog oatmeal stout, yum!) and my typing skillz are going downhill FAST and the grey cats are scampering around like crazy critters so Imma wrap this up now and make a promise (that I fully INTEND to keep) that I will come back and post SOMETHING tomorrow.

Dating! With CAAAAATS!

So the thing with the CAAAAATS guy?  Yeah, not happening. 

So!  Moving on!

I've decided to dip my toe into the whole online dating thing.  Eh, why not?  If the comments I recieved after the CAAAAATS post (both here and elsewhere) have told me anything, it's that there's humor gold in them tharr dating hills.  Good enough for me!

I thought about going with OK Cupid!  I had set up a profile with them about five years ago, mostly as a lark.  Here, if you're so inclined, read this, I'll wait.  (However, I must warn you there are disturbing images.  Truly, scary stuff).

So yeah....that's the story of how I came to find OK Cupid! in the first place.  I did go ahead and set up a profile there.  And I found.....Polyamorous Leo.  So called because he looked like Leo from All My Children (AKA Josh Duhamel, my pretend TV Boyfriend) and because....well, you can figure the polyamorous part out for yourselves I'm sure.

(and here we pause this entry so that we can gaze in rapt wonder upon my beloved Josh.  ::swoon::)

So yeah.....I decided to go with Plenty of Fish this time around since I've heard good stuff about them.  And because, so far, their quizzes have not insulted me.

Of course, I had to set up a new email address because I am very stalkable under my current email address.  My new email and username?  mariehascaaats - except not really because Marie isn't my real name, it's just the name I've been using for bloggy purposes and there was initially a REASON for that and it was a GOOD reason, I swear, but that seems to have fallen by the wayside so I'm going to resume using my ACTUAL name going forward.

So.  Hi, y'all!  My name is Vicki.  Pleased to meet'cha.

(Of course, if you clicked on the link up there for my old blog, you probably figured that out already.  Y'all are smart like that!)

Now all I need to do is figure out what to write.  I'm afraid that  "Looking for a man who doesn’t want kids, doesn’t want to get married, doesn’t want to live together and just wants to hang out on a casual basis with occasional sleepovers" will bring in nothing but skeeves.

I don't like skeeves.  They're....skeevy.

My Mighty NEEDS!

Today's Top Ten Tuesday Topic (which is actually being posted on Wednesday because I'm a rulebreaker and REBEL!) (and because Katie said I could) is "Top Ten things I NEED.  Everyday.  Yo"

In no particular order.  But with pictures!


Coffee.  It does a body good.

I've written about my coffee conversion before so there isn't much explanation needed here.  Suffice to say that this is one part of my day that makes morning worthwhile.

Bath Time!

Just as I need coffee to start the day, I need a nice soak in a hot tub to close the day.  (Not so much the candles though.....I'll never understand my gender's fascination with candles).  Sometimes, bathtime is the only chance I get to read all day


Hey, segue!  Look how clever I am!  However, not clever enough to rotate that picture apparently.  And I tried, believe me.  When I uploaded it, it was facing the right direction.  When I added it to this entry?  Not so much.  Anyway.  Those books represent my current library haul, plus a few I've borrowed from Krumpet and Jesus.


....makes the people!  Come together!  MOO-SICK!  Mix the bourgeoisie and the rebels!

My Imagination

I am a big-time daydreamer.  A daydream believer, if you will.  Sadly, I have ZERO talent for fiction writing.  Boggles the mind, really.  I have all these ideas but no ability to get them onto paper.  Huh.


Legalized crack, really.  Where would I be without Facebook?  Do I really NEED it?  Of course not. But do I start twitching if deprived for more than a few hours?  Yuh-HUH!

Teh iPhone

Do I love my iPhone?  Oh yes.  Yes I do.  Do I sometimes forget that not everyone in the world is as continually connected to....well....EVERYTHING....like I am?  Ummmm......maybe.  A little.


Life is funny, yo.  Enjoy it.  Sure, we get crap thrown at us.  But hey, poop is funny, right?  At least, if you're a six year old boy.  We should all aspire to be six year old boys and just laugh at the poop.


My baby girl.  My glorified throw rug.  I've had many much cats in my life, but none like Miss Gracie Katt.  Matter of fact, Gracie Katt even has her own Facebook page.  She's a very special kitty cat.  Before the coffee, after the bath, I need to get me some Gracie pets. 

Okay....I know I said these were in no particular order....I meant except for this last one.  Nothing is more imporant folks.


I don't necessarily mean romantic mushy-gushy everlasting love.  I mean, that's fine if you believe in that sort of thing.  I just mean love in general.  Love for friends, family, children, pets, life....and at the very top of the list, more important than anything else....Love for SELF.

(PS - I love the "Love" image and would totally give credit to wherever it came from but I don't know the original source.....hopefully the copyright in the bottom will suffice.  If not...please don't sue me, Hugh Dude....I love you, Man!)


Friday Flip-Off (AKA, why I've been away)

Well, HI, folks!  How y'all are?

I didn't mean to be gone for so long.  I meant, when I started this thing, to write, if not daily, at least every other day.  Back in the way back day, you couldn't shut me up.  But then life intervened, I stopped blogging regularly and everytime I would get a hankering to get back to it, I'd post once or twice and then disappear.

I was determined not to let that happen again, but I didn't account for a few things.  So let's do my first Friday Flip-Off to account for those things, eh?

Flip-Off #1 - My job

Now, I hate to say this because I LOVE my job.  I really do and I'm not saying that just to avoid getting Dooced.  I'm almost certain my boss doesn't read this, I don't post blog links to my personal FB page, you gotta actually LIKE the blog page itself to get the updates, but you never know so just in case, I have the MOST AWESOME BOSS ever!

But truly, I love my job.  Except, during the end of the month/beginning of the new month, we get so super busy and I don't even have time to THINK.  Usually I use my lunch break to transcribe any blog notes/diagrams I made have made into an actual post but during the past week or so I haven't even been taking a lunch. 

(YES, I diagram my posts.  Shut up)

Flip-Off #2 - My birthday

This is not actually a Flip-Off because I had the most awesome birthday ever!  It was so awesome, it kept me from blogging on Saturday.  I made the decision to quit Job#2 (which I HAAAATE) and instead went to Tea's annual Great Grisly Gourd Gutting Gala.  Good times, good friends, good guts and gourds.  From there, went to get into costume, picked up Lola and we headed out to Nott's for my birthday party.  (Which will lead me to Flip-Off #4 in a minute)

Flip-Off #3 - Teh Sickness

Yep.  Been illin' all week.  Started with a sore throat Tuesday morning, morphed into a stomach thing Wednesday.  Just nausea, thank goodness, no expelling of bodily fluids or anything inconvenient like that.  It was enough that I had no appetite though which is actually a good thing since I fell WAY off the low-carb wagon over the weekend (CAAAAAAKE on Friday, tons of good stuff at Tea's on Saturday (including chocolate gingerbread cake, the most excellent dessert ever) and even more tons of alcohol related product Saturday night, then pancakes with Lola Sunday morning).  So not being able to eat for several days was good!  Finally got my appetite back yesterday, went to Pei Wei for some Pad Thai with the intent of doing some shopping afterwards, but apparently I'm not quite as all better as I thought because meal consumption?  Took every last bit of strength I had.  I wandered listlessly through Ross for about five minutes and then gave up and went home to bed.

Of course, instead of sleeping, I SHOULD have been cleaning house.....which brings me to....

Flip-Off #4 - Those Damned Cats

I have four cats.  And currently, no vacuum cleaner.  Three of those four cats are longhairs.  My vacuum broke three weeks ago.  So.  You can imagine.

Flip-Off #5 - Krumpet Doesn't Have a Blog.

We need to make this happen.


Zombie Battery

This is a Zombie Post, originally posted January 2006.  To find out more about Zombie Posts, please visit Cate at Real Life with Kids.

Yep. I've gone all the way from geek straight past nerd and dork and all the way down to complete and utter idiot.

I'll start from the beginning. As some of you know, I've been using Chandler's truck this past week. Because I let him borrow my car for a long roadtrip he had to make. And his vehicle needed some work done and he didn't feel comfortable driving it that far. Also, he drives an SUV, I have a little bitty Hyundai Accent so, gas mileage, yay.

So I've been driving what I am now calling the GOPMobile (because of all the Bush/Cheney type bumper stickers all over the...um...bumper. Oh, and let's not forget the March for Life sign in the backseat) and I feel like I need to apologize to everyone I pass for the raging conservatism. "It's not me, really, I swear!"

And, even setting that aside, I REALLY don't like this truck, Sam I am. It's just.....it's counter-intuitive. None of the controls are where they should be or operate like they should or NUTTIN'. I drove home from his place last Monday NIGHT with my lights OFF.  Probably because it took me so long to figure out how to adjust the seat so my short little legs could reach the pedals and then I was struggling with trying to locate the parking brake release that I just got so flustered and forgot about something so NON-ESSENTIAL as lights. Shut up.

(Oh wait, he was just corrected me. I didn't drive home with my lights off after all. Apparently the lights go on automatically. Huh. Who knew?)

So yeah, every single time I get in or out of the vehicle I actually have to THINK and go through the whole mental checklist, remembering where things are and what I need to do to safely shut down the vehicle. It's a chore, yo.

So yesterday, I go into work around 3pm. And it was a bit rainy. So I had my lights on.


Y'all know what happened, right?

Sho'nuff, I leave the building around 7pm, go to start the GOPMobile and...nothing. Battery's dead, baby. Battery's dead.

LUCKILY!! Lola and I had planned on meeting for dinner so she was right around the corner. So first, I called her to come pick me up. Then I called Chandler and got his voice mail. I started rambling because see, I had not yet figured out that I had left the lights on, it didn't even occur to me that this might have happened because I would never do something that dumb, oh no, not I, so I wanted to ask him whether the battery was old and weak or something because I just had no idea WHY WHY WHY this could have happened but as I was rambling to his voice mail the light (HA!) dawned and I checked and sure enough I realized that I had left the lights on so my tone changed from bitching him out (no, not really, I don't bitch. Shut up, I DON'T) for leaving me with a weak battery to sheepishly admitting what I had done and since I am NOT a car person, I didn't know that the battery just needed a jump and it would be fine, I thought I had kilt it for good and I told him I would pay for a new battery and then I finally stopped rambling and hung up.

And then I realized that Hey! Just because the battery died didn't mean it was gone for good, right? It could be reanimated or something. Like, a zombie. We could have a whole army of zombie batteries. Or something.

So I called The Ferocious Beast (AKA Ex-Hub#2) because he knows all about the car stuff but he wasn't picking up so I called The Duke because he is another car person and let me tell you, car people are good to know, but he wasn't picking up either and oh woe, oh me, oh my, the uncertainty, but then Lola showed up and reassured me that most likely, once we jumped the battery, everything would be fine.

Huh. And she isn't even a car person.

But first, we had to get dinner. Baja Fresh. Burritos were consumed. Yum.

Chandler called back during the burrito consumption but I kinda blew him off because, burritos!

So we get back to the GOPMobile and Lola has one of those handy dandy  quick jump start kits that has a battery powered generator. Or something.

So we pull that junk out of her trunk and I drag it over under one of the parking lot lights and I scrutinize it to figure out how to work it and I figure it out and I'm all set.

But then I couldn't figure out how to pop the hood of Chandler's truck.

Around this time, we are approched, in the middle of this EMPTY parking lot (remember, I'm still parked at the office) by a man carrying a bag from Baja Fresh, where we had just dined. Why yes, it DID occur to me that he had followed us from there. Anyway, he starts going on about his cousin who's attending University of Maryland and we have no idea what he's going on about but finally Lola says, "Can you just get to the point?" as she gestures to our two vehicles but he continues talking and still not making any sense but eventually we THINK he's trying to get directions to his cousin's school and we don't know whether he was referring to UMBC or College Park and it DOESN'T MATTER because neither one was particularly close to where we were and even though I know EXACTLY how to get to UMBC (since I live maybe two minutes from there) I wasn't about to spend any longer with creepy stalker guy than necessary, especially not since we had IMPORTANT stuff to do, GOSH.

So we dismiss him and we go back to trying to figure out how to raise the hood on this cursed vehicle and we're not getting anywhere because where the hood release SHOULD be is instead the parking brake release and WHO THE FUCK designed this vehicle anyway and at that point I call Chandler again but he doesn't pick up (as it turns out, he was on the phone with his mom who was diagnosing him with appendicitis. Heh, she sounds like MY mom) so I babble a bit more about HOW ON EARTH DO I OPEN THIS FREAKING HOOD!?!?! and then I hang up and JUST as Debbie and I finally figure it out he calls back but I tell him again all is well and he tells me all about his about to burst appendix and then pleads with me to NOT attach the postive charger to the negative terminal (or something like that) and I have to tell him I am not COMPLETELY incompetent when it comes to car stuff, despite what it may seem, I HAVE jump started a car before and I've changed my own flat tires too.

So then we get off the phone and I turn with puzzlement back to the engine because.....oh dear, because I couldn't figure out where the battery was.


I see what I THINK is the battery but I can't figure out where to hook up the charger. I see a little rubber thing which I surmise must cover the ummm...place where I would hook up the charger. I have no idea what those little thingys are called so from here on out they shall be referred to as nubs.

What? You have a better made up name? Well, lemme hear it then. Otherwise, shut up.

Right. So yeah, I pry off the little rubber thing but there are no nubs underneath. Just...um....places to put fluid.

Well, THIS can't be the battery, I say to Lola. Because I know I've checked my fluids and stuff and I've never ever heard of battery fluid.

Lola says, I'm pretty sure this is the battery, look, it's all boxy like a battery. And it's got the red and black, just like the charger.

Well, yeah, okay, I see that. Matter of fact, I saw that when I was talking to Chandler and reassuring him that I knew what I was doing. And then I look a little closer and I realize, yeah, it's the battery. I think the printing that said, "....blah blah blah battery blah blah blah..." was a tip off.

But still. If that's the battery, where are the nubs?

I poke around a bit more and then I call Chandler back. Poor guy. I'm sure by this point he was worried I was going to blow up his truck or something (to be honest, that fear had crossed my mind as well).

Finally, I find what I'm looking for and I let him go and I hook up the positive charger to the positive nub and then look around for a good place to attach the negative side. Which involved a bit of a balancing act because this quick start kit is nice and handy and all but the cables are really kind of short. But I figure it out and I switch it on and I tell Lola, "If I start twitching, call 911" and I get in the car and crank the engine and nothing happens so I get out of the car and Lola says something about how she thinks maybe I didn't turn the charger on all the way because isn't it supposed to make noise so I go to disconnect everything to make sure there was no juice flowing anywhere before I start messing with the charger again and as I go to disconnect the negative side there are sparks.


And then, the underhood light comes on. So Lola and I look at each other and I ask whether she has her cell phone handy to call 911 because I am SO sure I'm about to fry and she says, "Yeah. Well, it's in the car" so I hand her mine and tell her I'm going back to crank the engine and to step back.

So she does and I do and the car starts and all is well and no one fried, not even the car and that is the end of my story and I am ever so happy to have my own car back now.

Plus BONUS!  I acquired a gas can. Because Chandler? Ran out of gas.

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