...And the angels sing

So, hey, lookee here, I'm writing again!  ::trumpets::

Back in the heady days of Blue and Pink I was posting every day, sometimes twice a day.  I wish I could pinpoint what changed.  I have theories.  I could blame MySpace.  I could blame the mass exodus from Diaryland of many of my favorites.  I could blame my job and the requirement of my employers that I actually WORK while at work (The horror!)

Fact is, I don't know.  I've tried repeatedly to regain the writing mojo I had.  How many of y'all remember the food blog I tried to keep?  I actually enjoyed that but again, couldn't seem to keep up with it.

I think part of the problem is that as my audience has grown (well, it HAD....obvs it's shrunk a lot now), I've found myself having to censor myself.  Except.....I'm a personal blogger.  I write about ME.  (because you know, it is all about me!).  When I find myself becoming super conscious of how the me I am putting on the page (screen) might reflect upon the me that I want others to see, I shut down. 

I think we all present different views of ourselves to different audiences.  I am one person to my parents, another to my children, my friends, my employers, and of course, let's not forget, my crush(es).  In one on one or small group interactions, it's easy to control those different images.  But when I put myself on the page for anyone to read, I have two choices.  Just put it all out there and let the chips fall where they may.  Or censor myself to the point of complete depersonalization.

I don't like either option.  So I end up clamming up and not writing at all, not in this forum at least.  I have Facebook of course, and I do make full use of their privacy controls so that if I choose to post something that I don't want everyone to see, I can make that happen. 

But it's not the same.

A third option is to go incognito.  A lot of bloggers do that.  I've tried to as well.  But it never felt comfortable to me.  I LIKE writing for the people I know. 

I could compromise.  Start a blog for the friends and the menz to read (like the rhyming?  Hee!) but not my family or employers.  Hmmm......actually.....now that I think about that....it might actually work.  The folks I am most worried about reading the uncensored me are my mother, my children, and my manager at my day job.  None of whom are regular blog readers.  Which means I am almost certain that if I start writing here again, they will not know about it....

Heh.  Now I'm feeling all sneaky and stuff!

Okay!  I'm going to give this a shot.  Keep yer fingers crossed that maybe this time, I can actually keep it up.

(PS  - All y'all other regular bloggers....I'd love you input on how you've dealt with this issue as well)


Nilliem said...
September 12, 2011 at 3:59 PM

:waves madly: HI!! er...well...most people don't know I have a blog. Especially not the kids, or my mom, heh. Not that I write much to worry about but...I have a line and there are things that don't cross it. What does, can still be a little rough so I don't advertise.

Personally, I never could see how someone would let EVERYONE read their 'personal' stuff. By everyone, I mean family and other close but not intimate friends. I...I just think there are things your friends know, that your mom doesn't ever need to know. May not be bad, may not be much....still doesn't need to know. But this is *MY* opinion, YMMV.

soo...how the hell are you??

FallDown Girl said...
September 12, 2011 at 4:08 PM

Hey girl! Where are you writing now? I'll add you to my reader.

Things are good for me. Up and down, as life always is, but I think it's all about your outlook. I refuse to let anything bring me down for long....so life is always good :-)

Nilliem said...
September 12, 2011 at 8:43 PM

http://nilliem.wordpress.com/ I'm trying to be better about writing; its tough cuz I when I want to write, I get interrupted. When I don't.....is when I have quiet time. gah

Life *is* good!! Forever and ever, amen.

Birdbrain said...
September 12, 2011 at 9:45 PM

It's weird, but letting the chips fall where they may led to some great friendships. Hey, if people liked the way I wrote, they liked the way I thought, therefore, they liked me. It was all very sincere.

Thing is, it has changed for everyone. Once Dooce got, well, dooced, that was the beginning of the end.

Maybe if you just let yourself write when you want to, but give yourself a small rule, like no more than three days without writing, it would work. That's what I had to do.

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